Mother’s Day

So, I’m writing this here because I need to get it off my chest and I’m pretty sure absolutely no one knows about this blog or remembers that it exists.

Mother’s Day is a difficult day for me. Not many people know that just a handful of years ago I was trying so hard to get pregnant. It never happened. Not even a chemical pregnancy or a false positive. I never saw a positive test result. It KILLED me. It was so hard to see all of my friends get pregnant “accidentally on purpose” and have babies. I had to leave all social media at one point because seeing all the pregnancy and new baby posts was bad for my well-being.

And now I’m older. I’m no longer married and I’m not sure it’s in the cards for me for the future. I am of the age where I need to decide NOW if I’m going to have kids.

I’ve made that decision.

There will be no biological Katies running around in my future. This was not an easy decision but I believe it is the right one for me.

Will I adopt? Maybe. It’s not out of the question. It’s not an option right now due to finances, but I really would love to someday.

For now I’m loving living vicariously through my friends with kids. If you are a friend of mine and you happen to see this, I am so happy for you and your littles! I love seeing them. I probably want to hug and squeeze and spoil them like they’re my own.

So, moms, moms-to-be, moms who never were, moms who want it so badly it hurts, dog moms, cat moms, pets of all kind moms, adopted moms, moms of children who aren’t theirs: I see you all. I am holding you all in my heart.

I love you all.

First Christmas

My first Christmas away from home just concluded. It was different. Not what I expected and yet, at the same time, the same and everything I thought it would be. 

It’s hard to believe next week I will have been in Fort Worth for one year. 

My mom and my sister flew into town to see me and celebrate Christmas. Having them here made this holiday much easier to get through. I would have been all alone if they hadn’t come. I don’t know how I would have handled that. Probably not well. I probably would have just stayed on the couch and binge-watched Netflix. 

I think my favorite part about this Christmas, though, has been receiving cards from all over the world. I got involved in a sort of unofficial Christmas card exchange and sent many cards to many different countries and also received a lot back. Cards from Australia showing a warm and sunny Christmas. Cards that weren’t really Christmas cards at all, but printed photos taken and shared by the sender. Cards with little tidbits about the sender included inside. And cards with information about the sender’s location included. All of them so unique and beautiful. I really hope this tradition continues. 

I didn’t have a Christmas tree this year. My old one stayed back in Indiana with my ex-husband and I didn’t feel like buying one and putting it up in my apartment. Why? Because I am moving soon. Maybe even as soon as next weekend. I could be moving one year to the day that I moved to Texas. Into a house. A house I purchased. A house I purchased all by myself. Mine. To make my own. To make a home. To have friends over and celebrate birthdays and holidays in. I am crazy excited and terrified all at once. 

I wouldn’t have traded this year or this Christmas for anything. 

  

More to Come (I promise!)

It’s crazy how time (and life) can get away from us! I wrote my introductory post on this blog about a month ago (even though it says it was posted way before that) and here it is, almost the end of September and I have yet to write anything else. 

The problem is that I get an idea for something to write and one of two things happens. Either I get really excited about the subject and then think “Who’s going to want to read this?” and don’t write about it, or I get an idea while I’m out and about (or in the car, in the shower, just about to fall asleep) and don’t write it down so I forget about it. That’s the worst because I feel like those are the ideas that are the best. Aren’t they usually? I have the BEST, MOST AMAZING ideas while I’m in the shower. I really need to get some kind of waterproof writing system so I can jot those ideas down when they come to me.

 So, this is basically a quick post just to say that there will be posts here. Posts with actual, real content. Maybe even some guest posts from friends of mine. Check back soon!!

I’m Just Me

Why did I start this blog?

I’ve asked myself that a few times (OK, more like a zillion times). Especially since I started it weeks ago and haven’t – until today – posted anything. The same thoughts always go through my head when I think about starting a blog: Who will want to read it? What will I write about? What makes me think anyone cares what I have to say?

Here’s the thing. I have changed SO MUCH in the last year. My life is 100% different than it was one year ago today. Last year I was married, living in a different state, didn’t have any ‘real’ friends that I could call up and make plans with. I was unhappy. I didn’t really like my life.

Now, I’m divorced. I moved 900 miles away from my home to a place where I knew exactly two people. I have so many great friends. And best of all, I am so happy.

People have called me inspiring, brave, strong, and encouraging because I uprooted myself and turned my life upside down.

I don’t really feel like I am any of those things. I just did what I needed to do. I was just being me.

But if I can share my story and the things I’ve learned (and will continue to learn) to help just one person in any way, then this is worth it.

Here’s hoping it’s worth it.